Healing from Family Hurts

Kids Growing up in Dysfunctional Homes/Breaking the Cycle

Steps to Healing

1.       Identify the problem   
          Acknowledge the difficulties   
          Look at the facts of the situation, not your feelings about it  
          If you think there is a problem, there probably is.

2.      Talk to someone you trust            
 Test out your ideas         
 Ask others what healthy families look like    
 Trust you instincts that something isn’t right and       
 check it out with someone else

3.     You may need to be "reparented" by a family you trust.     
Often, there are families at church or your friends’ families that  you can visit and spend time with.    
It doesn’t mean you leave your family, it just means you look at other families’ values, behaviors, and relationships and learn from them.

4.       Join a small group/support group that is experiencing the same issues you are. Al-A-Teen, Al-anon, and ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) are good groups for people that are currently in or have grown up in an alcoholic home. 

Life may look hopeless while you’re in the midst of painful circumstances, but there is hope. The effects of growing up in a dysfunctional home are not irreversible. Read some of the books from the attached book list. If you are still unable to resolve issues, you may want to seek the help of a professional counselor.

It’s important to deal with the realities of growing up in a dysfunctional family. If you don’t you may feel that once you move out, your problems are over. But the dysfunction can leave lasting scars. The issues may resurface when you least expect it in your future relationships and prevent you from being your best self. Don’t let your past own your future, get the help you need now. Don’t let the family dysfunction be passed on to your future family.

Suggested Books to Read

Beanie, Melody. Codependent No More. Harper/Hazelden, 1987.

Black, Claudia. It Will Never Happen to Me. Denver, Colorado: Medical Administration CO., 1982

Bloomfiled, Harold, and Falder, Leonard. Making Peace with Your Parents. Random, 1988

Cloud and Townsend. Boundaries

Cloud and Townsend. Boundaries for Teens

Payne, Leanne. The Broken Image. Crossway Books or Good News. 1981

Seamands, David. Healing of Damaged Emotions. Victor Books, 1981

Smedes, Lewis B. Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve. Harper & Row, 1984

Viorst, Judith. Necessary Losses. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1986

Woititz, Janet. Adult Children of Alcoholics. Hollywood, Florida: Health Communications Inc. 1983

Wegsheider, Sharon. Another Chance - Hope & Health for Alcoholic Families. Palo Alto, California: Science and Behavior, 1980